I have had a unusual year and one I never wish to repeat. I made a huge decision last year to leave a secure, undemanding and high status job in academia to go back to practice. Well it didn’t work out and I am still smarting from the experience.
I have been isolated and excluded and feel very sure I am not the only band 7 that this has happened to. Managing and leading in health care is much easier to teach than it is to do.
I had overlooked the walking wounded staff in my care. I was having a difficult time myself and couldn’t see what the wounds were and how any anger and pain from before would get transferred onto me. I have found Karpmann’s Drama Triangle has shed light on what was going on and over time I will be able to use the learning to guide others. I thought I could do it now but I have to give myself time.
I have been away from work for 3 months and I have missed the interaction with colleagues and having something to do. I have learnt that I am certainly not ready for putting out to grass and probably the cruellest aspect of the episode is keeping me away from interaction with like minded folk.
I will be careful with sharing as my sharing of my depression and social media activity was used against me and contributed to my demise.
I have failed and have been hurt, I will learn to share and know this is the best thing to do as too many people are silenced and we need to be more open about how power is used and what and whose interests are being defended when people resist change.