I have just been to a talk at Gibside from a local author who has written about Mary Eleanor Bowes. Her second husband was clearly abusive and isolated her and she took many years to extricate herself from the relationship. My friend asked how, given she was an intelligent woman, how come she was duped by this narcissistic horror. Well I found myself speaking up and said that psychopaths are known to be charming and can enchant you. As someone who has had that experience I can see how it might happen. Being lured into a relationship by someone who works out your frailties and exploits them for their own ends.

It has given me much to think about – I grew wise to what was going on but I am still sorting out the hurt and wounds created by nastiness. I am gratified that my over sensitive nature found me sensing something wasn’t quite right and I left before I became really damaged. I wonder given the adversity I wasn’t pulled under but I think that was partly due to a wise woman I worked with who was there to validate my gut feelings. Brene Brown in “Rising Strong” advises on having a confidante- someone you can trust with your “gut”. In trying to isolate me my boss inadvertently created a lasting and creative liaison – a miscalculation on her part but one that proved a lifeline and one I hope will lead to  exciting projects in the future. That colleague is now a friend and she has a great mind and wonderful soul I am forever grateful for that.


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