I have been told by a few people that this blog is brave – I guess I have made a choice to show my insides on the outside but I have done this to help me heal. I have been damaged by my workplace experience and this week I realised that some people who witnessed the events have chosen to turn a blind eye. Through deception and delusion right minded and intelligent people have simply not seen what was going on in plain sight. I now realise that if you become a “manager” within any service you become “fair game” for what ever comes your way. Only one person ever questioned what happened to me last year – just one.
It makes me wonder why anyone would want to be a manager – I wanted to make a difference to practice and improve services. I was naive and impetuous – I needed to be needed. Insights like that are why I write here – I believe that reflective practice is crucial to safe practice and well-being BUT if we emotionally detach ourselves from interactions or simply tick boxes then we change nothing.
I believe we need to be open and honest and that means in all we do – we can’t pick and chose – the consequences of my sharing and my experience are yet to be determined but I do know that I need to share to help others. To be an effective enabler of others learning I believe you need to understand what “stuff” you project and how others might perceive you. I’m hoping I can be better at helping disrupt taken for granted issues, help folk make connections and encourage curiosity. I am getting tired of defensive gestures and I am really tired of nothing improving – so in the future I will be putting my head above the parapet and stating my opinions about how we support folk and the approaches that might just mean we work in a more connected and humanistic way. Sharing thoughts is how I learn – I wish I could be less committed to that project but I would never settle for that – I wish I could be less bothered by injustice and deceit but I’m not made that way. Blame it on my reforming ancestors – I will….it’s not about me it’s about other people’s opportunities.